Heard yesterday from my osteo (whilst I was being crunched and popped) that he has a friend who is, like me, a stop at home dad; interestingly he is working on a book provisionally entitled 'We've been conned'.
Apparently its central theme is that women have for ages conned us into believing that the job of doing the domestic work and childcare is very, very, very difficult, and that we as men are not up to it .... and he thinks it is a breeze ... grrrr !!
I'd love to see his day/house/loft/fridge/playroom/laundry as I suspect that he is in denial as well as quite possibly at war with his wife. Or maybe has a team of manservants (woman-servants?) on hand and London's finest concierge service. I'd especially like to hear his wife's assessment of his performance.
This seems to be a good example of that classic insecure over-achieving, over-ambitious 'can definitely do' 'deny every weakness' trait frequently exhibited by bottom-sniffing wannabe alpha males in corporate structures, such as the workplace he graciously resigned from to do the 'dadding'.
It's 2010 - turn your gaze to the city and look where that thinking has brought us - so many of these men definitely could not do what they were either convinced they could or were told they could ....
With more women at the helm would not the world be a slightly less greedy and bereft, but slightly more humane place right now ? Whilst far from a perfect sex, women just have a better way of getting the job done from what I have seen.
More harmony, soul, empathy, care, cooperation and foresight and forward motion; less bravado, less bullshit, less swagger, less dogma and definitely less misery.
My own personal experience is that househusbandry has been the most challenging thing I have ever done, topping my youthful ambitions and efforts to become a rockstar (minor success but then it's a very competitive area !) and building two of my own businesses (slightly better efforts). I can see the odd grey hair, and my nerves are shattered from the baby-toddler lack of sleep thing. My tolerance is all used up. I will never be the same. I am uncertain of what talents I possess anymore.
So, I happen to think that if someone has found a way to do it effortlessly they should keep their bloody trap shut or write a book about it so we can all judge their methodology for ourselves ... hence I will definitely be looking forward to the book he has planned hitting the shelves !;?
Ok .. Back to the point I am trying to make, I think it's time for all men to respect the women in their lives more, trust and appreciate the unique talents of their partners in humanity - not belittle them with competitive alpha-male nonsense like this example.
There is just a small chance that this way, the women they deal with may just respect and see more of the good in them, and then they'll no longer need to puff up their feathers in this insanely destructive way that takes us to war or to bankruptcy.
Men - Don't be afraid; admit it - you're bored with behaving like you're in the playground ! Open up and chill out a bit - find something to admit you're rubbish at, and get over your cocky selves !!
Somewhere between Cave-man and Metrosexual Moisturised Man there lies a happy path, where the woman you care about will still love you, want you and admire your unusual ways ....... and guess what ?
You're worth it !
Friday 19 February 2010
Wednesday 3 February 2010
Followers (Mini Post Alert)
Apologies to all anonymous blog followers and not so anonymous ones but I haven't found a way to successfully mail you (with google friend connect etc.) so as to thank you for following ... So ... Thank you !!
Ax
Ax
That Four Hour Week Bloke ...
In the comments below his blog I saw this and liked it - especially the bit about the children laughing because they know the truth therein - is that them displaying emotional intelligence ?
[on http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/03/10/24-hours-with-tim-ferriss-a-sample-schedule/]
March 10th, 2008
5:10 am
Who can disagree. The hardest part is to learn to relax into the other 20 hours after you have your 4 hours of productive work.
A while ago I took an afternoon off from work to go to my son’s birthday party. One of his friends arrived with a babysitter and announced that “My parents couldn’t bring me because they are very busy.”
My good Calvinist indoctrination of an upbringing whirred into action and I felt useless and disempowered. Why wasn’t I busy? Was I just slacking? Why am I not that that much in demand? Blah, Blah….
Then in a moment of grace my Muse made me say: “Being busy is horrible. It makes you grumpy.” All the little ones burst out laughing because they knew it was true.
Later I remembered how many times had I seen this same little guy’s father all irritated when he was dropping his son off at school in the morning. Hardly something to strive for.
Amen; and worth bearing in mind if you already have your little ones on the treadmill to repeat your own history/career/workaholism.
Please if you have children create a time every day when you are most definitely not that grumpy person for them - I remember my Father being in a bad mood for almost all my childhood (and I'm not judging him for this - he probably had good reason !) ... or rather I remember the contrast ... one or two moments that stand out in all of the grump, e.g. once when I was about eleven years old, with a martini in hand he kicked a beanbag across the living room floor and said "wahey !!" and looked very happy ... the fact that this one moment sticks in my mind 'til now is unfortunately an indicator of what the rest was like ....
People, don't you do this to yourselves !
Ax
[on http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/03/10/24-hours-with-tim-ferriss-a-sample-schedule/]
March 10th, 2008
5:10 am
Who can disagree. The hardest part is to learn to relax into the other 20 hours after you have your 4 hours of productive work.
A while ago I took an afternoon off from work to go to my son’s birthday party. One of his friends arrived with a babysitter and announced that “My parents couldn’t bring me because they are very busy.”
My good Calvinist indoctrination of an upbringing whirred into action and I felt useless and disempowered. Why wasn’t I busy? Was I just slacking? Why am I not that that much in demand? Blah, Blah….
Then in a moment of grace my Muse made me say: “Being busy is horrible. It makes you grumpy.” All the little ones burst out laughing because they knew it was true.
Later I remembered how many times had I seen this same little guy’s father all irritated when he was dropping his son off at school in the morning. Hardly something to strive for.
Amen; and worth bearing in mind if you already have your little ones on the treadmill to repeat your own history/career/workaholism.
Please if you have children create a time every day when you are most definitely not that grumpy person for them - I remember my Father being in a bad mood for almost all my childhood (and I'm not judging him for this - he probably had good reason !) ... or rather I remember the contrast ... one or two moments that stand out in all of the grump, e.g. once when I was about eleven years old, with a martini in hand he kicked a beanbag across the living room floor and said "wahey !!" and looked very happy ... the fact that this one moment sticks in my mind 'til now is unfortunately an indicator of what the rest was like ....
People, don't you do this to yourselves !
Ax
Tuesday 26 January 2010
Australia Day - Got Me Thinking About
Mmmmm ... warm summer evenings, with bits of this ....
And a little bit of this ....
Maybe some of this ....
Or if you prefer, this ....
But you can stuff this ....
And a little bit of this ....
Maybe some of this ....
Or if you prefer, this ....
But you can stuff this ....
Friday 22 January 2010
Professional People
Something I have noticed at the school gate.
This might be just a S.W. London thing; our school is in an area that considers itself rather posh (...ahem...).
What is it with some people, that the level of professionalism they have had to adapt to, for them to have their hopefully rather splendid daytime career life, cannot seemingly be turned off.
It's as if they cannot bear the thought of being personable or personal or anything other than professional - and they even appear enjoy the opportunity to 'out professional' others around them, dealing more unemotionally and brusquely, but of course perfectly politely and professionally, with people that are just trying to be friendly or gain some human contact or ..... connection. That's what's missing - sincerity ! Ooooh the cold.
A friend of mine used the word 'despicable' to describe such people, and whilst that's rather an emotionally loaded word, it may have grip here.
It IS like talking to robots.
Some sort of evil this is - like a new shiny replacement for the 'holier than thou' chin-up'ness that actually had kudos back when folk gave a monkeys about religion.
Is it about insecurity - that they want to appear to have 'good standing' in the community ? Are they frightened someone is going to hug them .... in public !!! Arrgh ! Dirty dirty !!!
Pseuds ..... the lot of them ...
Bring back being personal, and treating people personably; spoil yourself, and have a relationship beyond officialdom and niceties, begin to feel .... breeeeeeathe - there you go; you feel better already don't you ?!?
Over and out, but please stay posted for my observations about how this applies to a stay at home daddy stuck precariously in amongst the mummies !
AO
This might be just a S.W. London thing; our school is in an area that considers itself rather posh (...ahem...).
What is it with some people, that the level of professionalism they have had to adapt to, for them to have their hopefully rather splendid daytime career life, cannot seemingly be turned off.
It's as if they cannot bear the thought of being personable or personal or anything other than professional - and they even appear enjoy the opportunity to 'out professional' others around them, dealing more unemotionally and brusquely, but of course perfectly politely and professionally, with people that are just trying to be friendly or gain some human contact or ..... connection. That's what's missing - sincerity ! Ooooh the cold.
A friend of mine used the word 'despicable' to describe such people, and whilst that's rather an emotionally loaded word, it may have grip here.
It IS like talking to robots.
Some sort of evil this is - like a new shiny replacement for the 'holier than thou' chin-up'ness that actually had kudos back when folk gave a monkeys about religion.
Is it about insecurity - that they want to appear to have 'good standing' in the community ? Are they frightened someone is going to hug them .... in public !!! Arrgh ! Dirty dirty !!!
Pseuds ..... the lot of them ...
Bring back being personal, and treating people personably; spoil yourself, and have a relationship beyond officialdom and niceties, begin to feel .... breeeeeeathe - there you go; you feel better already don't you ?!?
Over and out, but please stay posted for my observations about how this applies to a stay at home daddy stuck precariously in amongst the mummies !
AO
Monday 4 January 2010
Skool's Not In ?!?
Odd how technology sometimes makes things worse - our school has email weekly bulletins - and guess what - it even allows them to send conflicting information out !
GIGO is the appropriate techy saying, I believe ...
Net result ?
Today is the day we thought we'd need to be back in school (according to one email from them) so we rushed around last night and this morning .... but no !! Padlock on school gate ! One or two other confused Mum's driving round carpark ..
And as it's not, some thank you letters get done at 'daddy school' and now we are about to embark on baking session as we need the oven on to keep warm - Brrrrrrr
A
GIGO is the appropriate techy saying, I believe ...
Net result ?
Today is the day we thought we'd need to be back in school (according to one email from them) so we rushed around last night and this morning .... but no !! Padlock on school gate ! One or two other confused Mum's driving round carpark ..
And as it's not, some thank you letters get done at 'daddy school' and now we are about to embark on baking session as we need the oven on to keep warm - Brrrrrrr
A
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